Wednesday, 7 July 2004

A Contract With God

"The Hacker Ethic" has been facsinating but mostly humorless right up until Himanen starts poking fun and Dr. Lightfoot who in the 18th century "proved" that God created the world Friday October 23rd, 4004 BC at 9am. Amongst Himanen's fun is a contract with God that I found absolutely hillarious:

CONTRACT

The creator of the world (henceforth "God") and the parties granted use rights to the world (henceforth "human beings") have agreed this day 27 February 2347 B.C., after the flood, the following:

PURPOSE OF CONTRACT

1. The human beings promise to repent their sins and live more righteously from now on. Repentance and penitence are to be completed by the agreed-upon deadline: the span of each human's lifetime.
2. God grants the human beings grace, consisting of the following two elements:
- refrainging from further floods
- eternal life

God will grant this grace in two installents. The first installment, i.e., the restraint from further floods, will be granted on signature of contract. The second installment, i.e., eternal life, will be granted when human beings' performance has been approved at the end of the world.

RIGHTS

3. The distribution and use rights of the grants mentioned in point 2, above, i.e., forgiveness and eternal life, will remain entirely with God. All rights to the product names World and Eternal Life are likewise the sole property of God.
4. Protection of competitive adantage: human beings will not enter into any agreements concerning objectives similar to those expressed in this contact with any parties in competition with God.

SANCTIONS

5. Should hum beings prove unable to fulfill the duties defined in this contact, God reseves the right to torture them as much as he wants in all the ways he may invent throughout eternity. No rights involving sanctions are vested in the human beings.

RESOLUTION OF CONTRACTUAL CONFLICT

6. Any conflicts arising out of this contract will be resovled in Helsinki Circuit Court. (Note: Himanen is Finnish)

27.2.2347 B.C.

Signed:

____________________
God
____________________
For the human beings
Noah

Witnessed by:

___________________
Shem
___________________
Ham

Popular Posts